IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the inteernet has brought people closer togethert while others that people and communities are bbecome more isolated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It is often argued that the
internet
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 helps
people
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 to be closer to each other,
however
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, others have an opinion that communities are becoming more isolated.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view and my opinion. On the one hand, the
internet
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 brings
people
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 together by allowing them to connect and communicate with others from all parts of the world.
Moreover
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, it provides a platform for sharing information, ideas and
also
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 experiences creating a sense of community and fostering relationships.
For instance
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, a lot of
people
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 found like-minded
people
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 on social media and became friends in real life.
Secondly
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, via a network,
people
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 can find and talk with their relatives who live in remote areas,
also
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 when they have no opportunities come to them.
For example
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,
due to
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 the fact that I do have not enough money to come to my folks, the
internet
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 allowed me to communicate with them.
On the other hand
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, the
internet
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also
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 has drawbacks.
Firstly
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, the
internet
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 has an impact on interpersonal relationships.
Besides
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, based on existing researchers , it is believed that frequent usage of the
internet
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 distracts users from their offline life and can lead to
internet
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 addiction,
For instance
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,
this
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 kind of addiction has been proven to affect social and interpersonal skills, which may
further
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 affect their relationships with other
people
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. Another issue is the networks can increase negative emotions
such
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 as triggering depression and anxiety, resulting in poor psychological status.
In addition
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,
people
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 tend to share their daily lives on social media causing them to make comparisons with other lives. By way of illustrations,
this
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 makes
people
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 more pessimistic about their body image and stan of living which affects their mental health. Taking everything into consideration,
it is clear that
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 the
internet
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 has pros and cons which depend on how you use
this
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 tool. In conclusion, I prefer to believe that the
internet
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 is very beneficial if you use it wisely.

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task achievement
Ensure that all sections of your essay are equally developed and balanced. For instance, while you have provided examples in both supporting and opposing views, the explanations can be more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure to avoid occasional awkward phrasing. For example, 'due to the fact that I do have not enough money to come to my folks' can be rephrased as 'since I don't have enough money to visit my relatives.'
coherence cohesion
Try to make your ideas flow more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs. Use more linking words and phrases to connect different parts of your essay.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument, providing a balanced discussion.
task achievement
You have made a clear conclusion that summarizes your opinion effectively.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples that help illustrate your points well.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, setting the stage for your arguments and summarizing them effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitated
  • connection
  • geographical barriers
  • social media platforms
  • sense of belonging
  • diverse perspectives
  • collaborate
  • share knowledge
  • excessive use
  • social isolation
  • face-to-face interaction
  • addicted
  • disconnection
  • physical surroundings
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • withdraw
  • false sense of connection
  • superficial relationships
  • polarization
  • echo chambers
  • balance
  • benefits
  • drawbacks
  • foster
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