IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, there are a lot of students who commit suicide each year. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent decades, the issue
has
Correct pronoun usage
that has
show examples
 been brought into focus is that the amount of people who end their lives by themselves when they are still
students
Use synonyms
 has significantly risen. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will give some points and a few solutions respectively about
this
Linking Words
 problem. No one can deny the fact that most young people nowadays lack the freedom to control their lives. Some parents impose responsibility and set achievements on their
children
Use synonyms
 that are excessive and challenging for them.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are a lot of aims that
students
Use synonyms
 need a duty to achieve in school. Once they do not achieve these desired consequences, it could feel like failure and stress. For a long time, suffering from depressure can cause suicide in many
students
Use synonyms
. The most familiar example of
this
Linking Words
 is that under strict education in Japan, the number of
students
Use synonyms
 who commit suicide has increased rapidly over the past twenty years.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the situation
also
Linking Words
 occurs because mental health is not given enough attention for its role
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 don't have the correct perception of their abilities. The solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem involves many factors including society, family, and school.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government should give policies taking the interests of
children
Use synonyms
 into account represented in the half of power. It can be the regular to set the time in each grade and curb the amount of assignment homework. It is vital that
children
Use synonyms
 have time for their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 activities.
Besides
Linking Words
, the sources for help
such
Linking Words
 as organizations and schools with experienced psychologists are very important to build independent confidence among
students
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the reasons for raising the percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 who commit suicide are parents exercising too much control over their
children
Use synonyms
 and ignoring mental health problems in both
children
Use synonyms
 and their parents. To reduce
this
Linking Words
 problem, both the government and related people need to make realistic points to change
this
Linking Words
 situation
as well as
Linking Words
 make the next generations stronger and more powerful.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the structure of the essay. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the overall response to the question without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Develop a logical progression of ideas by including clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and by using a variety of cohesive devices appropriately and accurately.
coherence cohesion
Provide clear explanations of the main points and enhance the argument with suitable examples. Examples should be specific, relevant, and effectively illustrate the point being made.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the task are addressed, and the response is sufficiently developed. Expand on the given reasons and solutions, providing additional details and examples where possible.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and comprehensive ideas, where each part of the question is addressed comprehensively. Avoid overgeneralization and strive to express ideas with precision and depth.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: