"In today's world, companies seek to keep the happiness level of their employees high through salary, health care and holiday packages. Can such measures make employees happy?"

In recent years, the issue of
employee
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satisfaction in the workplace has sparked much debate. Some people believe that financial rewards, healthcare, and holiday packages are sufficient to ensure
employee
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happiness
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,
however
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, others argue that these alone are not enough.
This
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essay will explain why I strongly disagree with the view that material benefits alone can guarantee lasting
employee
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happiness
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.
Firstly
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,
although
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salary, healthcare, and time off contribute to an
employee
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's comfort and financial security, they are not the only elements that determine long-term
happiness
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at
work
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.
This
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is important because employees
also
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seek meaningful
work
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, respect, and a positive environment. Not only does
this
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help to improve productivity, but it
also
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encourages loyalty and a sense of belonging.
Moreover
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, recognition, fair treatment, and opportunities for personal growth play a vital role in
overall
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satisfaction.
In addition
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, a healthy
work
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culture and effective leadership are crucial in maintaining
employee
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happiness
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.
For instance
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, companies that promote teamwork, open communication, and professional development often experience higher levels of
employee
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morale.
Consequently
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,
this
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leads to lower turnover rates and improved performance.
Therefore
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, the advantages of focusing on both emotional and professional well-being clearly outweigh the disadvantages of relying solely on material rewards.
To sum up
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,
although
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there are opposing views on
this
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issue, the benefits of focusing on more than just financial and material benefits clearly outweigh the drawbacks.
Overall
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, I strongly believe that considering emotional well-being, professional growth, and a supportive
work
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culture is essential, as
this
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approach leads to more effective and long-lasting outcomes for both individuals and society.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide a few more specific examples to support your points. Examples strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea, and clearly connect these ideas to improve flow.
coherence and cohesion
You can add some transition words to make the text easier to follow, for instance, 'firstly', 'in addition', and 'to sum up'. These words help the reader follow your ideas.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and what the essay will discuss, which is very good.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion nicely summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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