IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There are controversial perspectives sparking a debate over conducting genealogical research.
While
Linking Words
 some hold a strong view that delving into family
history
Use synonyms
 is of necessity, others claim that concentration
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 generation and posterity should be put into the priority. The former is valid to some extent, but I would go for the latter. Without a shadow of a doubt, carrying out research that involves the
history
Use synonyms
 of one’s family is comparatively significant. It is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that through genealogical information of family trees, people can have a clearer view of the biological aspects which do wonders for curing congenital diseases.
For instance
Linking Words
, DNA features can act as hints for doctors to diagnose more effectively about the potential possibility of being infected with specific diseases like lung cancer or asthma.
Hence
Linking Words
, the researchers are the beneficiaries of making enquiries about the
history
Use synonyms
 of the family.
While
Linking Words
 the redeeming feature of pursuing a deeper understanding of family roots is widely acknowledged, it is more advisable to prioritize the current generation and posterity. Particularly, they are close persons who can be present in
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 when we encounter difficulties in ordinary life. To cite an example, parents, cousins, siblings
as well as
Linking Words
 relatives are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who we can turn to for help when having financial difficulties.
Therefore
Linking Words
, concentration in the form of spending time looking after the
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
show examples
 ones can strengthen the bond among family members. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is understandable why some advocate exploring family
history
Use synonyms
, I am convinced that concentrating on present and upcoming generations would be more sensible.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure a clear and concise introduction that explicitly mentions how you will approach the question. While your introduction is good, making your stance clearer from the beginning can strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. While you provide general examples, more detailed instances or personal anecdotes could better illustrate your points and make your argument more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words effectively to connect your ideas within and between paragraphs more seamlessly.
Coherence & Cohesion
In your conclusion, reiterate your main points before stating your opinion. This strengthens the cohesion of your essay by clearly summarizing the discussed viewpoints.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: