IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #guarantee #job #work
Although
 it is sometimes thought that graduating with a university degree means getting a good job, others would rather go straight
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 work and get experience. In my opinion, both viewpoints are justifiable.
However
, I consider that the degree brings more benefits to help
alumneses
Correct your spelling
aluminises
 have jobs. On the one hand, there are many occupations offering people to have major knowledge. Because it is mandatory in some fields
such
 as law, medicine, engineering,.., knowledgeable workers can minimize the mistakes of products.
For example
, if a doctor is not educated about medicine, he can hurt or harm patients.
Moreover
, most entrepreneurs prefer applying to degree holders
due to
 saving up recruiting time and training money. Some prestigious universities already have linked with companies, which makes a bid advantage for their students to have a well-paid job instantly.
That is
 a valuable result for them after learning major knowledge and soft skills like presentation, and time management in college.
On the other hand
, without entering a university, people can spend more time gaining experience. An increasing number of undergraduates cause unemployment as they are not professional enough to solve problems and lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
practical experience. Those are many reasons why qualified workers are more likely to be employable in the future.
For instance
, in an interview, the manager wants to choose a
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 applicant with an excellent background
instead
 of an inexperienced alumnus. By doing
this
, employees can have a chance to widen their business network in order to help them to be promoted easily. In conclusion, despite people
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 different views, I believe it would be better for joining tertiary education ensures students have jobs.
Submitted by long.hnd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • specialized fields
  • job prospects
  • earning potential
  • formal education
  • networking opportunities
  • career advancement
  • practical skills
  • work environment
  • financial independence
  • high costs
  • skills and experience
  • formal education
  • prioritize
What to do next:
Look at other essays: