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Band 6.5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them?

#people #reason #effects #individuals
Sleeping less is becoming more widespread to many people these days.
This
 essay will examine the cause
as well as
 the effects related to
this
 practice. There are a variety of different causes for
this
 matter.
To begin
 with, a heavy workload needs to be done during the day for many people of all ages nowadays.
For example
, many children have to stay up late to complete their homework until midnight. Another contributing factor to mention is that there are a lot of
internet
 programs that tempt users to go to sleep very late.
For instance
, thousands of youngsters enjoy spending hours watching social media
such
 as
Tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
show examples
 and Facebook
as well as
 playing online games
instead
 of sleeping on time. Without the
internet
 and social media, former generations never did the same in the past. Unexpectedly, there are some significant effects to be taken into consideration. The first and most important is that lack of sleep affects health in the long term. Regarding some research, those who go to sleep very late feel very tired the following day and they will get some black skin under their eyes. Another effect no less important is that with a few hours of sleep, it is difficult for professionals to focus on their work and complete it effectively as their business expects. No matter what types of reasons and effects are, it always causes concerns and worries for family members, friends and colleagues. In conclusion, sleeping less is a big problem that affects a lot of people nowadays. It’s mainly caused by the workload and temptations of the
internet
. From what has been discussed, it is advised that children and adults should find a way to arrange their workload and try to get rid of bad habits of accessing the
internet
 when they are in bed.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Task Achievement
The essay partially addresses the prompt but lacks depth and clarity in presenting comprehensive ideas and examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay shows some structure and coherence with identifiable introduction and conclusion. However, the use of logical connectors and transition words could be improved to enhance coherence.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of repetition and lack of precision. It would be beneficial to use a wider range of vocabulary and use it more accurately.
Grammatical Range
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are issues with verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Greater attention to sentence structure and accuracy is needed for improvement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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