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Band 4

Many people today spend most of their free time at home watching TV series or movies instead of going out. Do you think this is right or wrong?

#people #time #home #tv #series #movies #right
Utilizing free
time
 for watching
TV
 shows at home is
did
Wrong verb form
done
show examples
 by most
people
 in the world.
This
 notion lead to some benefit and negative impacts of it.
Therefore
, I will discuss both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sides with relevant examples. To commence with, up-to-date
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information and getting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
motivation are the reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
people
 prefer to spend their
time
 at home
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
TV
 shows. Watching
TV
show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
show examples
 related to scholarship
session
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
show examples
 is an effective way for those who need to update some scholarship information, and want to learn from the awardees’ experiences. Sometimes,
people
 spend much
time
 only watching it
due to
 they want to be well-prepared prior to
enrol
Change the verb form
enrolling
show examples
 some
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scholarships application. They think by doing that activity when they have free
time
, can make their space-
time
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
positive
as well as
 productive rather than watching
TV
 for entertainment purposes.
Besides
 that, they
also
 get positive reinforcement of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
motivation from the speakers who talk about their process during
applying
Add the preposition
forapplying
show examples
 the scholarship until they can
be succeed
Change the verb form
succeed
show examples
 to study overseas.
Furthermore
, there are several disadvantages if
people
 spare their free
time
 only to watch the
TV
 show. The first negative impact is they will get the health issue since they spend
time
 a whole day for one activity in front of the
TV
’s screen.
For instance
, watching the television without using the anti-radiation of glasses,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
makes someone have problems with their eyes.
Moreover
, the second one is they have less interaction or communication with their friend, shaping them
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
an
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 anti-social and having a lack of self-esteem.
Submitted by muh.yassirullah on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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