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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

ome families send their children to a foreign country to be educated. Discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of this course of action. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#ome #families #children #country #course #action
Some people argue that studying abroad for children has negative effects relating to their development of emotions, but my view of
this
 topic is that it could be a good chance for them to learn something new and broaden their horizons. On the one hand, it could be difficult for teenagers to live and learn in another country because they would be passing an important period in their life, which means they have a development process of emotion and personality.
This
 term makes them unstable, changeable,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 negative or
skeptical
Change the spelling
sceptical
show examples
. So, if the kids don'
t
 want to go to unfamiliar places and get educated, it is evident that surviving abroad doesn'
t
 help them to improve their abilities and focus on getting knowledge. One of the examples is, in Korea, some parents hope to send their kids to a foreign country at too early age even on purpose for a great education even if their kids are not ready to be independent from their home.
As a result
, the youth feels anxious and depressed, suffers because of what they don'
t
 want to do, and can not concentrate on their future.
Nevertheless
, If some children are interested in experiencing new things, sending them outside of their countries would be one of the best options in their lives. They can face new worlds,
such
 as various cultures, people, and lifestyles, widening their sights and common senses.
In addition
, new challenges make them stronger and braver through experiences of achievements and failures. Compared to my friends
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 haven'
t
 lived in foreign countries, a friend who has lived abroad can think outside the box and,
furthermore
, seems to do better than others on several sides like studying and relationships.
To sum up
,
while
 there are some disadvantages for children to be educated out of the country, it is undeniable that the advantages would be bigger than them.
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structure
Continue to structure your essays with a clear introduction, main body, and conclusion to guide the reader through your arguments.
argument balance
Make sure to present both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion, to ensure a balanced discussion.
language
Try to include a richer variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to further enhance your essay.
introduction
Provided a clear stance on the topic in the introduction, helping to guide the reader.
paragraphing
Effectively used paragraphing to separate and organize different ideas.
example use
Included relevant examples to support arguments, making your points more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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