IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The grow of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

#grow #shops #towns #cities
The modernized era has revolutionized the lifestyle of human beings in the past few decades .owing to
this
,a section of society opines that the popularity of online shopping among the masses can create a great impact on the market in the town
whereas
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally disagree with
this
 notion and related information will be articulated in the upcoming paragraphs . Undeniably , there are multifarious reasons
behind
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional shops have still important in society in
this
 technological era . The first and foremost
reason
 is that many individuals do shopping as a hobby in the market because they think that it is
stressbuster
Correct article usage
a stressbuster
show examples
 not only
this
 but
also
 it is a social activity as people can spend time with their relatives and friends.
Apart from
this
, another
reason
 is that some
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shopping website which reveals the
product
 in attractive ways but most of the time consumers are not satisfied with online shopping because they send different products from their advertisement products so
due to
this
reason
 the shop will be not closed
due to
 bad services on the online shopping.
Nevertheless
 ,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
 another
reason
 which cannot be ignored is that many masses who prefer to know about the quality of
product
 and size of the
product
 so they can feel confident after wearing clothes
Add the comma(s)
, as well as big disadvantage of online shopping,
show examples
as well as
 big disadvantage of online shopping is that customers cannot receive
perfect
Correct article usage
the perfect
show examples
 size
product
 as they order online
as a result
 ,shops will be not closed
due to
 these reasons In conclusion,
although
 online shopping is a time-saving way
whereas
,
Ibelieve
Correct your spelling
I believe
 that shops
also
 have importance because of its hand to hand services.
Submitted by kumarsahil159357 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: