IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer? Use reasons and specific details to explain your choice

With the advancement of technology, it is predicted
in
Correct word order
that in
show examples
 the future that
children
Use synonyms
 will have flexibility in
studying
Punctuation problem
studying,
show examples
 whether using technology or at schools
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more traditional. I personally prefer to have a direct learning method with a tutor
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can be accessed in current school situations.
This
Linking Words
 benefits the
students
Use synonyms
 in improving themselves by having feedback and exposure to various
perspectives
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
'
perspectives
Use synonyms
 and mindsets are still developing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 supervision is needed during the learning process. The traditional method of attending school is believed to be effective as the
students
Use synonyms
 get feedback from the teachers regularly.
For instance
Linking Words
, exams are held regularly in school which measure
students
Use synonyms
' skills in subjects they have learnt. For the result, it can be used as a parameter for teachers in
analyzing
Use the right word
analysing
show examples
students
Use synonyms
' strengths and weaknesses
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is reported to the parents.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, learning is a process which I believe can be improved by having other
perspectives
Use synonyms
. If
children
Use synonyms
 study on the internet, which most probably they will study only by themself, they only see the speaker's perspective and themselves.
In other words
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who study alone do not have the ability to
analyze
Use the right word
analyse
show examples
 the possibilities
due to
Linking Words
 limited
perspectives
Use synonyms
 from their learning process. It might lead them to be narrow-minded and degrade their potency
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 affects opportunities in the future. In conclusion, advanced technology might give us the convenience to access materials
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 learning.
However
Linking Words
, traditional schools are preferred to be more efficient in improving
children
Use synonyms
's skills and ability to
analyze
Use the right word
analyse
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

strength
Your main idea is clear. You say you prefer traditional school to tech help.
development
Explain more how exams give feedback and how that helps a student.
development
Add more sharp examples or details to support each point.
language
Use simpler words and shorter sentences to keep meaning clear.
strength
Clear stance on topic.
idea
Good link between the idea of feedback and learning.
evidence
Mention of exams and parent reports as evidence.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: