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Band 5.5

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and five your opinion.

#governments #support #artists #people #waste #money #five
Art , of all kinds, fosters harmony in societies,
nevertheless
, governments allocating funds to
artists
 remains a controversial subject.
While
 some people believe that
artists
 deserve to be paid considerably,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue that funds should be invested in addressing other formidable challenges.
However
, I agree with the former opinion; in my perspective, well-deserved
artists
 should be paid by the government as they do not rely on the funds generated by taxpayers. On the one hand,
artists
 struggle equally hard as the workers belonging to any other employer. To elaborate on
this
,
entertainemnt
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 has been categorized as a field of interest for decades, which requires substantial effort to be applauded by viewers.
Subsequently
, in order to boost the art industry,
artists
 strive to meet the expectations of the public. Music
artists
,
for instance
, employ trial and error strategy;
first
Add a comma
first,
show examples
 they write songs, which are
then
 composed and autotuned before being released.
Thus
, the field of arts
also
 involves obstacles and hindrances that demand
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 as well.
On the other hand
, a spectrum of problems may
inadevertently
Correct your spelling
inadvertently
 be neglected in the zeal of compensating
artists
.
In other words
, since health and education problems are of utmost importance, they should be shouldered first and foremost.
For example
, several
underpriviledged
Correct your spelling
underprivileged
 countries continue to tackle the issues of basic necessities,
such
 as
shelther
Correct your spelling
shelter
, food and sanitation, and,
therefore
, it appears to be immoral to apportion the revenue in paying
artists
,
while
 the general population remains devoid of the basic rights of medical and education.
Hence
, the governments should invest more
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 in
improvingthe
Correct your spelling
improving the
 health and education facilities of countries. To encapsulate, it can be concluded that even though a multitude of concerns should be dealt
first
Change preposition
with first
show examples
,
nonetheless
, owing to the nature of work performed by
artists
, I opine that
artists
 should be paid generously.
Submitted by hadia.iftikhar126 on

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clarity
Improve clarity by avoiding verbose language and run-on sentences. Simplify complex sentences to ensure your ideas are easily understood.
example
Ensure that your examples are detailed and directly support your arguments. For example, provide specific scenarios where government funding has benefited the art community.
discussion
Address counterarguments more substantially to show a balanced view of the topic. This could strengthen your overall discussion.
introduction
The introduction clearly states both sides of the argument and presents the writer's opinion.
logic
There is a logical progression of ideas, making the essay easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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