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Band 7.5

Governments spend a large amount of money every year on works of art. ( for example, pain things & sculptures ) Do you think this is a good or bad use of public money ?

#governments #amount #money #year #works #art #pain #sculptures
These days, we can see authorities in different areas have been spending a massive amount of money on art every year. In my opinion,
this
work
 has two various aspects
firstly
, some art has major followers so that it can help the economy;
moreover
,
this
 evidence aids
people
 in preserving culture. On the one hand, economy is the main thing that can help a country not only to develop really fast but
also
 become powerful;
as a result
, it is important that governments do some
work
 which helps economy to improve, so some governments in
this
 way they have evolved their tourism industry by doing some
work
 like buying famous artworks which have a lot of fans and most populations like to visit them;
therefore
, a lot of
people
 in all over the world have a trip to these countries for see these handicrafts nearly.
For example
, most
people
 travel to Paris to watch the Mona Lisa painting, which is in the Louvre Museum.
On the other hand
, when some authorities buy their countries' handicrafts that are made by inhabitants,
then
 they help
people
 to save their customs inasmuch as historical arts need a lot of time to make
also
, these devices are really costly;
furthermore
, a minor group of communities can buy it;
hence
, after many time artists who are making these tools would become less
due to
 the fact that they do not sales, so authorities will be able to help these
people
. In fact, they can save culture from dying out. To illustrate, Iran has several handicrafts and one of them is carpets which are made in Qom are really beautiful and wealthy owing to the fact that their materials are silk;
nevertheless
, most Iranians cannot buy them;
however
, the government help these
people
 who weave
this
 carpet to follow their
work
.
To sum up
, It is crucial that governments spend public money on artworks that have large benefits for their natives
such
 as increasing passengers who journey to their countries or avoid destroy culture which is the main thing that every district has.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. Use more transition words or phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion. Summarize the main points more effectively and restate your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
Make the introduction more engaging. Add a hook or background information to draw readers' interest from the beginning.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides relevant examples to support the points made.
task achievement
The writer's opinion is clear and the main points are developed logically within the body paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • national pride
  • traditional arts
  • stimulating the economy
  • public art installations
  • support staff
  • enhancing local businesses
  • driving economic growth
  • public spaces
  • community engagement
  • quality of life
  • residents
  • educational programs
  • school curriculums
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • controversies
  • alternative investments
  • limited public resources
  • essential services
  • private sponsorship
  • collaborate
  • funding
  • cultural benefits
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