IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Government should focus thier spending in public service rather than on arts such as music and painting. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#government #focus #thier #service #arts #music
The national budget should be directed more toward services that can benefit the citizens rather than allotting portions to arts of any kind. I extremely agree with
this
 statement and in
this
 essay, I will discuss my reasons and views. I believe that the money which came from the people's taxes should be given back to them in ways that could improve their daily lives and secure safety.
First,
the state must develop the system in their offices to minimize that waiting time and long lines when processing documents
such
 as driver's licenses, land titles, and many more.
For instance
, in my own experience, the Philippine Regulation Commission initiated a system in which its members can renew professional licenses online with the new identification card delivered by courier door to door directly to my home, without me having to go to any PRC office. It is convenient for the people and can avoid absences from work just to do transactions on ministry institutions.
This
 should be applied to all sectors of the authority.
Secondly
,
instead
 of building museums, it is better to provide more ambulances or build additional hospital rooms. Being a nurse who has worked in public institutions, I have seen the problem of overcrowding in these facilities.
Due to
 the lack of rooms, we have to put our patients in folding beds provided by our patient's relatives so we can at least provide intervention and management to the acute issues overlooking their comfort.
This
 situation has been very sad and unfortunate and I would be very disagreeable when hearing politicians spending tax money on unimportant stuff.
Finally
, a safe environment can help a nation prosper. Because of
this
, I think it would be best if our country would spend on greater military technology
as well as
 on officers' training, to enable them to fight against criminals, keep drugs off the street, and lower the crime rate. Though I
also
 agree that there is nothing wrong with art like music and painting, and I know that it can give people joy, positivity, and a good vibe,
however
, I believe that it should not be a priority.
Thus
, it is better to achieve
this
 when quality government services, health, and safety have been met.
Submitted by lernafe7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: