IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Major companies use sports events to promote their products. Some people think it has a negative impact on sports. to what extend do you agree or disagree.

#companies #sports #events #products #people #impact
In
this
 modern era, big companies are using
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 events to launch their goods
as well as
 increase their sales through them but few people said it has bad effects on play. With
this
 statement, I totally agree with it because it impacts their future goals and affects their
health
.
To begin
 with, the promotion of
products
 by major companies
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
 sports has a big impact on their future goals. To elaborate ,
players
 put their energy and help to fulfil their desire
as well as
 always perform well in their games but on some ,paint their focus was out
due to
 promotions of goods because they get goal money for it.
For example
, in the survey conducted by the sports federation, most
players
 cannot concentrate on their game because of the promotions and because of that they lose their goals.
To conclude
, the organisations are just using the
players
 to raise their product growth but
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
 affects their game.
Secondly
, by promoting the
products
, sometimes
players
 can adopt them on a regular basis which is not good for their well-being and future effect on their
health
. To explain, for a sports person fitness is more important to perform well in a game and they are doing regular basis exercise to make them fit but some fast food
products
 are not good for their
health
.
For instance
, there was a headline in a famous newspaper that said that cold drink affects player
health
 and few football
players
 are impacted by that and they cannot play
further
.
Hence
, it is not good to just work to
earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
 money but they
also
 need to be more careful about their strength.
Overall
, large
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 are just using the
players
 and play events to promote and increase the growth of
products
 through
players
 but it has the worst impact on their play
as well as
 on their
health
.
Submitted by kaurme.u on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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