Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on different factors.Discuss both views and gove your opinion

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Personal
happiness
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is determined by various factors in life
due to
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the different needs and purposes individuals achieve.
While
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some
people
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believe that personal satisfaction primarily comes from their economic success, I personally believe that there are other significant factors that make
people
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feel happier for the following reasons. On one hand, it is undeniable that economic factors have a direct effect on
people
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increasing a sense of
happiness
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. In fact, material needs are fully satisfied because wealthy
people
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can afford to purchase whatever they want
such
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as luxurious vehicles and mansions.
In addition
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, only children born into rich families can go to privileged schools to gain a higher quality education, which provides special programs to enhance various skills and talents.
As a result
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,
this
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makes them more excited about their promising future.
On the other hand
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, personal
happiness
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can not merely be achieved by financial advantage.
For example
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, Macaulay Culkin, one of the richest actors in the U.S., is known to have a corruptive life because of his addiction to drugs and alcohol and spent many years in prison for his repetitive crimes.
Thus
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,
instead
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of money, supportive friends and families are what
people
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desire the most and make them feel more secure and cared for.
In other words
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, having someone who offers warm advice and encouragement provides enough strength to overcome various hurdles in life. In conclusion, financial advantage greatly satisfies the material and educational demands of
people
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.
However
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, supportive persons play more essential roles in raising a sense of
happiness
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.
Submitted by mizuho_kondo117 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments and make your points more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic success
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • healthcare
  • self-esteem
  • societal status
  • sense of accomplishment
  • multifaceted
  • social relationships
  • mental and physical health
  • sense of purpose
  • fulfillment
  • personal hobbies
  • community involvement
  • mitigate stress
  • emotional and psychological needs
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