Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on different factors.Discuss both views and gove your opinion

Personal
happiness
is determined by various factors in life
due to
the different needs and purposes individuals achieve.
While
some
people
believe that personal satisfaction primarily comes from their economic success, I personally believe that there are other significant factors that make
people
feel happier for the following reasons. On one hand, it is undeniable that economic factors have a direct effect on
people
increasing a sense of
happiness
. In fact, material needs are fully satisfied because wealthy
people
can afford to purchase whatever they want
such
as luxurious vehicles and mansions.
In addition
, only children born into rich families can go to privileged schools to gain a higher quality education, which provides special programs to enhance various skills and talents.
As a result
,
this
makes them more excited about their promising future.
On the other hand
, personal
happiness
can not merely be achieved by financial advantage.
For example
, Macaulay Culkin, one of the richest actors in the U.S., is known to have a corruptive life because of his addiction to drugs and alcohol and spent many years in prison for his repetitive crimes.
Thus
,
instead
of money, supportive friends and families are what
people
desire the most and make them feel more secure and cared for.
In other words
, having someone who offers warm advice and encouragement provides enough strength to overcome various hurdles in life. In conclusion, financial advantage greatly satisfies the material and educational demands of
people
.
However
, supportive persons play more essential roles in raising a sense of
happiness
.
Submitted by mizuho_kondo117 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments and make your points more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic success
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • healthcare
  • self-esteem
  • societal status
  • sense of accomplishment
  • multifaceted
  • social relationships
  • mental and physical health
  • sense of purpose
  • fulfillment
  • personal hobbies
  • community involvement
  • mitigate stress
  • emotional and psychological needs
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