IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Around the world, it is likely that more adults will work from home and more children will study from home as computer technology becomes cheaper and more accessible. do you think it is a negative or positive development?

#world #adults #work #home #children #study #computer #technology #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With the advancement of technology at affordable prices, an increasing number of workers are engaging with their jobs at home,
whereas
 a growing number of children will be studying from home in the near future across the world.
Although
 there may have both advantages and disadvantages to
this
 development, in my opinion, the negative sides may outweigh the benefits. First and foremost, it would be predicted that more and more technological incidents are occurring in society without strict precautions.
For instance
, there is already an increasing amount of consumer consultation
according to
 the agency, mainly because companies tend to easily send advertisements
such
 as investment and beauty products through SNS.
As a result
, more than 20% of youngsters aged
Change preposition
in the
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 20s are asking for help.
In addition
, there was a murder case where a 13-year-old daughter killed her mother, partly because she insisted that her parent warned her not to spend a considerable
time
 on SNS.
Secondly
, some people argue that individuals might have been physically affected by the screen of any gadgets.
For example
,
according to
 the Asahi Newspaper, more and more children are losing their eyesight, because they are consuming more
time
 on smartphones.
On the other hand
, I firmly believe that family members likely have by far
time
 and bond with each other if each worked together at home.
This
 is because they may stay and involve with what they need to do on a daily basis without going outside, leading to more free
time
 for every one of the members.
To conclude
, if most people relied on technological interaction and avoided communicating in person,
this
 new style of communication would bring some harmful effects on the body and mind of the public.
However
, it may
also
 give some
time
 to unite with closer relatives.
Submitted by flower84 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: