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Writing Samples
Band 5

The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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In present times, the progressive usage of mobile phones has completely changed our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Despite its contribution to communication and work there
lay
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are
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 a few drawbacks as well, especially in a social and medical context.
However
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, I think the
overall
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 benefits are by far ahead of the disadvantages. One of the problems that cell
phone
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phones
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has
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have
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 brought is the reduction in social interaction. Spending much time using phones
had
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has
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 made the population self-oriented and they are not aware of others surrounding them.
This
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 act of isolation has demonstrated radical changes in society when crowds in a state are avoiding each other and
preferred
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prefer
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 not to make direct conversations.
Similarly
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, another threat of excessive mobile use is health-related problems where physical condition worsens
as a result
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 of over-dependency on it.
Consequently
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, citizens get lazy and inactive by ideally passing time and ultimately get affected by different diseases.
For instance
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, mental retardation could arise
due to
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 the explicit usage of mobile phones.
On the contrary
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, a mobile phone can be useful in terms of emergencies and employment expansion. There might be a sudden situation where sudden initiative is required and seeking help with
such
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 a device plays a crucial role.
Additionally
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, if someone is doing field, smartphone inclusion will make a great fortune in expanding networks by connecting communities regionally and globally
along with
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 updated trade information. Indeed,
such
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 things can be seen in
merchandising
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the merchandising
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 sector where through mobile public is dealing with billion-dollar contracts and building their own
businesses
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business
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 empires. In conclusion, even though there is some evidence of the adverse effects of the mobile phone nowadays yet beneficial outcomes like emergency communication and trade expansion certainly outweighed the disadvantages they produced.

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task achievement
Ensure to elaborate more on each point, providing deeper analysis and clearer connections between your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the transition between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas and guidance for the reader.
task achievement
Clarify and strengthen your examples, especially in the context of health-related problems, to make your argument more compelling.
content
The introduction is clear and presents a balanced view of the topic, setting up the reader's expectations well.
content
Good use of specific scenarios, such as mobile phones aiding in emergencies and business expansions, which adds relevance to your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • over-reliance
  • cyberbullying
  • screen time
  • data privacy
  • identity theft
  • financial fraud
  • eye strain
  • sleep disorders
  • chronic issues
  • productivity
  • notifications
  • validation
  • self-esteem
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