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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think it can be harmful for children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work?

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Children
Use synonyms
 get opportunities to
work
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 at an early age. Some of them get compensated,
while
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 others do not.
This
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 essay will evaluate the benefits and drawbacks of
children
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 getting compensated for doing chores.
Firstly
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, one benefit of
children
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 doing paid
work
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 is that they learn about the concept of
money
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. When
children
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 receive
money
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 from
work
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, they understand that the compensation is
resulted
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result
show examples
from
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of
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 their performances and the time spent. They are more aware of the value of
money
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 and reduce the possibility
on
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of
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 wasting
money
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.
Secondly
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, having a paid job is
advantagious
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 because it teaches
children
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 skills that they would not be exposed to
at
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in
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 school settings.
For instance
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, many older
children
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 pick up social skills from working in the service industry and interacting with customers.
On the other hand
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, one issue when
children
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 have a job is that it takes away precious play time from them. Specifically for young
children
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, many parents and educators think that it is imperative for them to explore and play in an unstructured and free environment. Another negative issue of paid
work
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 is that it incentivises
children
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 to
work
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 for
money
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. Some people believe that
this
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 can be detrimental in the long run for young
children
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 because
work
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 should be based on passion and cause. In conclusion,
children
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 understand the relationship between effort and compensation by getting paid at
work
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, even though the time could be spent on other areas. In my opinion, as long as the
work
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 is balanced with school studies and free play, there is a lot to be learnt from working at a young age.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • financial independence
  • responsibility
  • valuable skills
  • impact
  • education
  • exploitation
  • negative effects
  • social life
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