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Band 6.5

In some countries many young people choose to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
There are young adults who have decided to have an annual experience related to work or travel after graduating from high
school
 and before entering university. In my opinion, the benefit of
this
 action, which is their views of their lives is greater than the drawback, which is degenerating their motivations against their studies. On the one hand,
this
 behaviour might demotivate adolescents to learn at
college
. Through
such
 an experience, they would meet a lot of people, including those who have selected
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 career without studying at university, but already have magnificent life experiences which stimulate youngsters' minds. After these meetings, young adults are confused about their purposes of going to
school
, and some of them make a decision to quit enrolling a
school
 even though a
college
 education provides a variety of opportunities not only to learn their majors
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 to build relationships with other
students
.
On the other hand
, working and travelling experiences would be helpful for youth people to widen their views of
this
 world, and find what they are indeed interested in, and
this
 guide
also
 contributes to an increase in their concentration on
college
 studies. Generally, almost all
students
 can not recognize what they want to do in their lives, and some
students
 feel that "everything is vain." because they have only experience related to studying, it means their views are significantly narrow.
However
, if they break out of their studying environments and expose outside of the world, their awarenesses of what they desire are aroused, and
as a result
, these stimulations promote
students
' motivations to study. In Japan,
on the contrary
, it is general to go to university without
such
 a period, numerous
college
students
 are concerned about their next career after graduating from
school
 with
ta
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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self-awareness. In conclusion,
although
this
 action might have a negative aspect in terms of deteriorating young adults' motivation to take an education in
college
, the positive one is more significant
due to
 assisting youth people's self-awareness.
Submitted by t.watpot216 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
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