IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is true that adding effects in the advertisement is very necessary.
This
Linking Words
 approach has contributed so much to giving
customers
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 an in-depth, objective view of the product. But everything has both negative and positive. On the one hand, let's talk about the positives. Each
company
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 wants to emphasize their products are new because
this
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 method can bring back economic stability.
For example
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, after the Covid 19, farmers couldn't sell fruits because of the low quality after the disease outbreak. Many companies convert challenges into opportunities. They take advantage of unsold fruit and create something edible things. They have to emphasize that the idea is new and unnormal, it's from dragon fruit to dragon fruit instant noodles, that strange idea can help the farmer have money for their family and
customers
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 can know more about the
company
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.
On the other hand
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, if they misuse the effect in an advertisement, they will have "a taste of your own medicine". They usually invite a famous,
tiktoker
Correct your spelling
TikTok
 to support but it takes too much money so if they want fame they have to pay dearly. Go big or go home! They have to pay large amounts of money to do some advertising. The businesses advertise add effect, they make it a wonderful, delicious, tremendous look but it's counterproductive. But in reality, the items that
customers
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 buy are dull colour, low-quality, scandal,..etc.
For example
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, if someone orders green tea which is a new drink, trendy and high-quality but they give the customer a low-quality green tea, not like expected. They will vote 1 star and that
company
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 will be criticized. In conclusion,
that is
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 a double-edged sword as the advertisement can be good since
customers
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 will get what they want and the
company
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 will form an emerging engagement of consumers.
Conversely
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, with just 1 mistake, they have to pay dearly more and more, and the worst is bankruptcy.

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task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, discussing both positive and negative aspects of advertising new products. However, the introduction could be made clearer by explicitly stating the reasons why businesses emphasize the newness of their products.
task achievement
Ensure that examples are directly relevant to the points being made. The example about dragon fruit instant noodles is good, but the execution could be clearer and more directly tied to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow and structure of your paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting points are directly tied to this idea.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit awkward and could be more effectively phrased. Try to ensure that transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth and logical.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both positive and negative aspects of the topic, which shows an effort to provide a well-rounded response.
task achievement
The idea of how businesses transforming unsold fruit into instant noodles is interesting and relevant.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear ending to the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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