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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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With the rapid exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 smartphones among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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kids and having them wasting most of their time using
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 I believe that it might be a major issue. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I'm going to express why I don’t tolerate
this
Linking Words
 problem completely and the reasons behind it.  Adopting a sedative lifestyle especially since childhood might have serious consequences. Take video games
for instance
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children get too involved in their smartphones preferring to play a virtual football match rather than a real one on the pitch with others keeping them from doing sports and socialising with
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 environment, which affects both of their physical and mental health.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the lack of privacy and parental control means may make them more vulnerable to a wide range of potential dangers. Considering the immature judgements and the curiosity of
this
Linking Words
 chapter of their life it can make an easy way for criminals to take advantage of it.
Last
Linking Words
 year
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
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 example, the blue whale game jeopardised many children around the world after they thought it would
a
Add a missing verb
be a
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thrilling way of having fun only to discover themselves trapped and controlled by a criminal psycho targeting them.
To sum up
Linking Words
, mobile phones as much as they look useful and productive
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be a door to unwanted conclusions. Regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
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laziness and the lack of social
life
Add a comma
,life
show examples
 it can cause without forgetting the possible risks related to
such
Linking Words
 a young category of tech users. I strongly feel that it'll do more harm than good and more acts have to be taken to cut down the daily screen time limit for kids by providing other ways of entertainment.
Submitted by dr.hasan.radwan on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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