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Band 4.5

The major cities in around the world continue growth, the more problems they may have. What the problems young people are caused by develop? What can be done to solve this?

#cities #world #growth #people
As the population grows,
cities
 must be expanded in order to provide enough area for people to land in.
This
 change mainly affects the younger generation because they will need extra facilities to be able to live conveniently. In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
,paragraphs
show examples
 I will discuss different aspects of the development of
cities
. When the
cities
 are growing, the distances will increase respectively;
therefore
, it is mandatory to provide the community with suitable transportation facilities. If the governments do not consider
this
while
 expanding the
cities
 people,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 young individuals, will encounter difficulties. A good example is, being forced to buy vehicles which is not an option for most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters,
due to
 financial issues. Another problem is that not everyone is able to drive
therefore
, they must take taxis or share cares which is considerably costly.
On the other hand
, widening city borders has an obvious effect on the environment.
For instance
, trees must be cut and the natural pattern of the land should be changed to be able to build buildings and make roads. By decreasing the green areas and cutting trees, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of pollutants will rise and
this
 can be harmful to children and young people's health. There should be a wise plan for extending
cities
 considering the natural pattern of the field.
However
, there are benefits in developing
cities
 to provide more living areas for over-populated nations. But,
overall
, I think having a transport system and a healthy environment should not be out taken. Keeping
this
 balance will lead to a better and more satisfied community.
Submitted by abtahig on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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