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Band 4.5

At present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do you think the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
Nowadays there has been a concern
on
Change preposition
about
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 the proportion of
young
Add an article
the young
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 population in a country. The number of elderly is lower compared with the number
pf
Correct your spelling
of
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 youth in some countries. I concur that the benefits
a countries
Correct the article-noun agreement
a country
countries
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 can get from
this
 situation are more than its drawback. In
this
 modern era,
which
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apply
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technology
 is growing so fast. A person who can operate high-
technology
 devices is needed. Young
people
 are known for their fast
learner
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learning
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 and high adaptability towards
technology
,
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apply
show examples
 because they were born when
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
already
Add a missing verb
was already
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 developed.
In contrast
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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older
people
 have difficulty
in
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apply
show examples
using
smart-devices
Correct your spelling
smart devices
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, so they tend to be slower when it comes to adaptation and learning
of
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apply
show examples
new
technology
.
Although
people
 that age younger sometimes have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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, since they have lived their life shorter than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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older
people
, and they cannot give experienced-based
advices
Correct your spelling
advice
 to their
college
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colleagues
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,
moreover
 they can only give book-based
suggestion
Fix the agreement mistake
suggestions
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. The urgency of having a citizen at productive age is higher since they are most likely to be healthier, stronger, and more ambitious. A country often facing with
competition
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the competition
a competition
show examples
 that forced them to have the best quality of citizen to compete and young
people
 is the best choice. In summary, having
bigger
Add an article
a bigger
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 portion of youth than older
people
 in a country bring positive impact
such
 as more
people
 that
easier
Add a missing verb
are easier
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 to learn and adapt
with
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern
technology
. Even though, younger
people
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
experience and only can give knowledge-based
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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. Yet their
strong
Replace the word
strength
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, health, and ambition are needed. So, the
positive
Fix the agreement mistake
positives
show examples
 of
larger
Add an article
the larger
a larger
show examples
 portion of young
people
 can outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by ekaagut on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
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