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Writing Samples /
Band 4

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children’s charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children’s charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#amount #money #children’s #charity #usa #year #information #features #comparisons
The revenue and the expenditures of a children’s charity in the USA in 2016
is
Change the verb form
are
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 figured
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 charts above. Generally, donated food takes the biggest part of the income. The charity
also
 received contributions
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
community
Add an article
the community
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, government grants, investment, and
program’s
Change noun form
program
show examples
 profit as their revenue. They spend most of their money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 program services and released the rest for fundraising and other affairs like management and general. In 2016,
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 US-based children’s charity accept more than 53 and a half million
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
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 and donated food just over
four fifths
Add a hyphen
four-fifths
show examples
. Community contributions is having the second-largest part with 10.4%. The foundation
also
 held several
program
Change to a plural noun
programs
show examples
 in 2016 and got 2.2%
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 its total. Other sources combined, like investment, government allowance,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 were not even reaching 1% of the total. The services of the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 foundation
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 the biggest part with more than 95% of their expenses. The rest of the outgoing
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 used to pay the fundraising and
also
 the organization’s
operational
Replace the word
operations
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 with 2.4% and 1.6%,
respectivelly
Correct your spelling
respectively
. The total
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
expenditures is less than the income with over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
$300,000 remaining
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 means they were financially
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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