IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, the media focuses on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think It is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree?

#media #emergencies #developments #people #individuals #society
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Nowadays, the
media
Use synonyms
 focuses on negative issues and emergencies
instead
Linking Words
 of positive developments. Many individuals believe that
such
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 trends create a harmful environment in society. From my perspective,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with them to some extent, so that the
media
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 should pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 active things.
To begin
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 with, the
people
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 who are surrounded by danger may feel that it is not a secure place for survival. To be specific, if more crimes and injustices are telecasted on
media
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 and spread all over social
media
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, these may cause more inconvenience for inhabitants in those places.
For instance
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,
people
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 witness many news murders and accidents, which create a fearful atmosphere.
Such
Linking Words
 coverage directly influences the viewers, rather some positive news may increase the confidence.
On the other hand
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, there is an opinion that mass
media
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 should focus on positive developments
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it can motivate
people
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, and raise their moods.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, they can feel a sense of fulfilment, which is critical for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
, if they are willing to be a happy person.
That is
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 to say, blessed person can achieve their goals,
while
Linking Words
 the individuals, who are influenced by bad news, and struggle with its negative consequences.
For instance
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, individuals are encouraged by other
people
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's achievements, and they will do their best in order to accomplish their personal purposes. In conclusion, even though some problems carry a great awareness message to
people
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, it is
also
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 the
media
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 person's duty to spread positive developments happening around the world in order to spread positivity and belief among
people
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.
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Task Response
Clarify your position throughout the essay, ensuring it is consistent and well-supported.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to enhance clarity and flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Response
Integrate more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments for stronger task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, presenting and summarizing your main ideas effectively.
Task Response
Your essay engages with the topic, providing relevant arguments and examples.
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