Nowadays, most countries improve the standard of living through economic development. But some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of the phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

These days , lots of countries around the world improve their
quality
of living
due to
economic development.
However
, some
people
are worried
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
social values will
lose
Wrong verb form
be lost
show examples
. Personally, I believe that the disadvantages of
this
situation surpass the advantages for two main reasons.
To begin
with, it is obvious that the bond between
people
becomes loose which is more serious than
people
being unable to improve their living conditions . In previous generations , the public is willing to help each other no matter who you are.
Nevertheless
, after economic development,
people
only want to interact with those who have high status in society and remain in living conditions. Take, Taiwan,
for example
. Before becoming a developed nation, Taiwan
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
filled with a kind atmosphere . But now,some
people
reject
Verb problem
refuse
show examples
to talk to those who are not wealthy in order to keep a standard of living.
Consequently
, living without heartwarming is worse than being unable to live a
quality
life. The second reason is that it is important for every human to live equally in society. Because of economic development, some
people
are getting affluent
whereas
those who do not succeed
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
to fortune are not likely to make ends meet and become beggars.
For instance
, there is no doubt that there is a trend in M society, which means wealthy
people
obtain more money,
by contrast
, poor
people
earn less money, all over the world. In conclusion,everyone has
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
to have an equal living
quality
which is more essential than pursuing economic growth and
then
gives rise to only a few
people
can have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
good standard of living. To summarize,as far as I am concerned, I believe that the disadvantages of losing social values so as to pursue the
quality
of living through the rise of the economy are more than the advantages for two major reasons. One is
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
intimate and heartwarming relationships between the public are definitely more essential than living a
quality
lifestyle. The other is everybody is qualified
for living
Change preposition
to live
show examples
a good life rather than only those who
are benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
from economic growth are able to live high-class
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by abbyyang301 on

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Your essay offers a reasonable response to the task with clear ideas, but could benefit from more detailed examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a logical structure and presents a clear introduction and conclusion, but there are some issues with the organization of ideas within paragraphs and the use of cohesive devices.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • social values
  • materialism
  • community welfare
  • sustainable technologies
  • environmental degradation
  • social stratification
  • social cohesion
  • economic status
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