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Band 7.5

Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. it would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #computers #entertainment #time #sports
Nowadays, it is opined that the younger generation entertains themselves with computers and smart devices which easily distract them from their normal daily lives.
Thus
, It would be great if they can spend time on other activities outside of their digital worlds. I agree with
this
 view. First of all, since there are a number of interesting surroundings outside computers to be discovered, the more they acknowledge, the more visions of human beings can be gained by them.
Thus
, these can shape their manners and support the growth of the children in a proper way.
For example
, there are at least 3 formal lingual levels of the Korean language which consist of informality, normality and formality separated by grammar and suffixes of words.
This
 complexity needs real-life conservation to practice and gain experience in their communication skills.
Moreover
, As far as we acknowledge the growth hormone doesn’t activate at its full capacity unless the children sleep later than 10pm and do enough physical activities,
therefore
 parents should realize
this
 fact and try to let them spend more time on sports. Despite hundreds of sports magazines which can be discovered by search engines, these can emphasize children to have their own role models.
For instance
, in Switzerland, the younger generations form tennis clubs because of Roger Federer, a famous tennis player.
Lastly
, it is known that too much time spent on the screen can negatively affect their eyesight since there is a limit to the distance between the eyes and the objects being seen.
This
 problem can be solved by playing actual sports that allow them to foresee
further
 than the threshold.
To conclude
, they should be encouraged to have a physical daily routine apart from their digital lives with the cooperation of their parents, friends and family resulting in better attitudes toward their lives.
Submitted by amittawin on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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