IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #amount #crime
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The problem of criminal activities is on pick in numerous nations which was always been debatable and now has become more controversial with many people claiming that it is hazardous. The substantial influence of
this
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 trend has sparked controversy over its potential impact in recent years. In my opinion, the main objective behind these activities is illiteracy and a fast-paced lifestyle appears to be more rational.
This
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 essay elaborates on the negative impact of
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 trend
along with
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 some remedies to solve
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 complication and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. There is a myriad of reasons which will
further
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 explain
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 argument but the most preponderant one is that illiteracy is the main cause of offender activities, without proper guidance and unavailability of education, many people are unable to pursue a decent place in the job market,
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, they intended to follow criminal movements to achieve basic needs.
For instance
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, research has proved that 95% of prisoners are uneducated around the world and they commit petty crimes to support their daily routine.Another striking aspect in
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 regard is that the lack of rules and regulations makes it easier for offenders to escape conviction. Courts and law enforcement take more time to reach a final verdict;
consequently
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, criminals use their stronger connections and contacts to manipulate the crime scene. Steps to deal with
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 problem are many but the most significant one is not complicated but accessible and practical authorities should improve the education system and build multiple academic infrastructures, including vocational schools, which enhance training in trade skills
such
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 as plumbing, carpentry, and construction work. Because of that, individuals channel their skills into specific professions,
this
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 phenomenon creates stable income and reduces violations in the country.
Besides
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, The judiciary and police system should take collaborative steps and enforce strict and prompt action against offenders by imposing punishments proportional to the severity of their crimes,
this
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 will help eliminate the criminal mindset.
According to
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 the arguments aforementioned above, one can reach the conclusion that the problem of increasing criminal actions in many nations can be successfully addressed, provided that the above-stated measures are taken.
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task achievement
Overall, the essay provides a complete response to the task. However, there could be a clearer link between the causes of crime and the suggested solutions. Try to explicitly connect the solutions you offer to the causes you outline. This will enhance the logical flow and task achievement.
task achievement
Some ideas in the essay could be expressed with greater clarity, particularly when explaining how the proposed solutions effectively address the roots of crime. Simplifying complex sentences might make your ideas more accessible and impactful.
task achievement
The essay adequately uses examples to support points made. However, providing a wider range of examples could enhance the relevance and specificity of your points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally present, but the essay could further benefit from clearer transitions between ideas. Consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear, focused idea that contributes directly to your overall argument. This will improve coherence and make your points stand out more strongly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion about crime and its potential solutions.
task achievement
There is a logical flow from identifying problems to proposing solutions, demonstrating clear task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
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