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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say a person’s success in adult life is the result of the way they were brought up as a child by their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #person’s #success #adult #life #child #parents
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There is a common social belief that the
success
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 of everyone could be
according to
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 how their
parent
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 raised them when they were children. In my opinion, I really agree that the
the
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apply
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kindest growth and development
people
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 got
while
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 their
childern
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children
 have influenced their future.
In
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On
show examples
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one
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the one
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 hand,
people
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 who
raised
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were raised
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 in a wealthy family usually have a
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privilage
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privilege
for
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of
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 having a better job. It is
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according to
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apply
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a good opportunity in getting an educational background in a
high quality
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high-quality
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 school and
also
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 some
connection
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connections
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 that
open
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opens
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 another good opportunity for their future.
For example
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, Maudy Ayunda,
one
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 of
success
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 actress in Indonesia, she
were
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was
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 born
in
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into
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 a good family and their
parent
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 raised her well and gave her an opportunity to
got
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get
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the
Correct article usage
an
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 education
in
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at
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 an International School,
thus
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, she could
increased
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increase
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 her ability in speaking
english
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English
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an
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and
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also
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 met with multinational
people
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.
By
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Of
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 that experience, she got it as
one
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 of her
journey
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journeys
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 to
awarded
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be awarded
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 a scholarship to study abroad.
Nonetheless
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, not a few
people
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who
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apply
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witness their own fight in living their own dream without any wealthy
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privilage
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privilege
 given from
parent
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 or family.
Such
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 as
,
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apply
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 Nisa Sri Wahyuni,
one
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 of
awardee
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the awardee
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LPDP
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of LPDP
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 scholarship in 2022,
she
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apply
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grew up in a
middle class
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middle-class
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 environment but she could
achieved
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achieve
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 her dream for study abroad by getting a scholarship. In conclusion, it will be easier to get a
success
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 occasion in
their
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the
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 future
while
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 someone raised with some
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privilage
Correct your spelling
privilege
 from their
parent
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, but it
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 possible to be
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Add an article
a success
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success
Replace the word
successful
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 by
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
 without any
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privilage
Correct your spelling
privilege
form
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from
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 family if only we want to
strugling
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struggling
 for the dream.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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