IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

shopping has become a favorite pastime among young people. Do you think they must be encouraged to do other things rather than shopping.

#pastime #people
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It is undeniable that shopping has been a popular pastime of many young
people
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, whether men or female. Shopping is accessed easily by using a smartphone can buy anything, that we want to. But have to spend
money
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 to buy things, causing wastes a lot of
money
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. In my opinion, doing new hobbies are another interesting option. Nowadays, the number of malls increased rapidly to make it easier to go out shopping and the development of technology to create a particular shopping application. Shopping is a hobby that stress can be decreased by buying a thing but buying too much can be detrimental and addictive.
For example
Linking Words
, spending time all day shopping on shop online until the work is not completed.
In addition
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, buying from stores online can be a scam and a loss of a lot of
money
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 unbelievably.
In contrast
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,
people
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 can pay attention to some other kinds of beginner things like gardening, drawing, playing music and game, getting together camping and so on. These can aid to block the waste of
money
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 as
people
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 might use too much, and spend
money
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 on commodities or furniture.
Moreover
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, more
people
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 will buy
an unnecessary things
Correct the article-noun agreement
unnecessary things
an unnecessary thing
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 for
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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 of because
Correct article usage
the trend
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trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
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of
Change preposition
in
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 society.
For instance
Linking Words
, buying new cloth, bags, shoes and so on.
In addition
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, when individuals are involved in doing some activities like drawing, playing music, dancing, and doing exercise will refresh their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 and make them happy and healthy. To exemplify, recent research stated that doing exercise or playing sport succour
people
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 to be more joyful than doing shopping
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 more
people
Use synonyms
 might think shopping is the best activity to do in my free time, in my opinion, the best activities to kill my hour is participating in creative or exercising activities like drawing and playing sports.
Submitted by nakassorn on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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