IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries celebrities complain about way about the way media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #celebrities #media #lives #people #part #fame
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Privacy is essential
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
 for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 I believe that every person including celebrities should have their own privacy and can choose which part of their private
lives
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to be shared and open
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
. Some may argue that as a public
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
along with
Linking Words
 their
professioal
Correct your spelling
professional
work
Use synonyms
, their private
lives
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 for
public's
Change noun form
public
show examples
entertaintment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
.
This
Linking Words
 goes as a
consequency
Correct your spelling
consequence
 for their fame. As far as I know, many people in different countries have
this
Linking Words
 kind of opinion. Public
always
Add a missing verb
is always
show examples
 curious about their
idol's
Fix the agreement mistake
idols'
show examples
 private
lives
Use synonyms
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 sometimes their private
lives
Use synonyms
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not affect their
work
Use synonyms
. Personally speaking, as long as they
work
Use synonyms
 professionally, their private issues would not
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
matter. Without a doubt personal area is important because I believe every human being have their own secret that they did not want to share.
For instance
Linking Words
, when the secret
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 out to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 there are some kind of uncomfortable feelings that can affect someone's mental health if they are not ready with the responses. The watcher will have some different views on the issue, some will
saying
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 good
while
Linking Words
 others will talking bad. In conclusion, as privacy is a basic human need it is important to respect someone's private
Use synonyms
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
,Additionally
show examples
 if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private
Replace the word
privacy
show examples
 issues are not affecting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional
work
Use synonyms
, we as
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 should not
trying
Change the verb form
try
be trying
show examples
 so hard to dig down
what
Change preposition
into what
show examples
 is happening in an idol's private
Use synonyms
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
.
Submitted by prawitacandrasari on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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