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Band 5

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #part #sports #teams #football #tennis
Many people believe that playing
sports
 in
group
Add an article
the group
a group
show examples
, like football is more positive,
whereas
 other think that individual
sports
, like swimming, is good. In my perspective,
both
 of them have
each
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 benefit
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
soft
Add an article
the soft
show examples
 and hard
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
,
however
 for developing
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 that
essential
Add a missing verb
are essential
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 senses of social, taking part in
sports
Add an article
a sports
show examples
team
 is better.
This
 essay will discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views and tend to support that
sports
 in
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 beneficial and provide feasible examples. Let’s start by looking at the positive impact on individual
sports
, which is for advancing soft skills. It is true that
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
show examples
 who play
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individual
sports
 have more experience to join
championship
Fix the agreement mistake
championships
show examples
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own. In terms of
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 they will develop their
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
 and concentration skills. Take most of
athletes
Add an article
the athletes
show examples
 in Indonesia as an example. Almost all of them will have a chance to become public
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
, even to be brand
ambassador
Fix the agreement mistake
ambassadors
show examples
 of product ads.
Hence
, it is undeniable that individual
sports
 are good for upgrading athlete skills and
careers
Change the noun form
career
show examples
 opportunities,
nevertheless
its
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 only focus on themselves. Turning to the benefit
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 part in
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 which are played in groups.
Although
 individual
sports
 are good for upgrading
self-ability
Correct article usage
the self-ability
show examples
 of
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
show examples
,
sports
 in
Add an article
the group
a group
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 likely
plays
Change the verb form
to play
show examples
 on
role
Add an article
the role
a role
show examples
 to improve
both
 self-skill and
social-awareness
Correct your spelling
social awareness
show examples
because
Add the preposition
ofbecause
show examples
 their experience on work in
team
Add an article
a team
show examples
.
For instance
, Ronaldo
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is well-known as an incredible soccer player worldwide, in
fact
Add the comma(s)
,fact
show examples
 he not only
great
Add a missing verb
has great
show examples
 opportunities
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their career but
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
 has
interest
Add an article
an interest
show examples
 in social
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 in the world.
Thus
, it cannot be denied that athletes who have exposure
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
sports
 in
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
 are more beneficial on their own and their surroundings. In conclusion, playing sport
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
both
 individual and group are positive.
However
, athletes
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 experienced
play
Replace the word
playing
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 in
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
 have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 impact on
both
 self-development and
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of social awareness.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
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