IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for public money to be spent on promoting healthy lifestyle to prevent illness rather than spending money treating people who are ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, government organizations and non-government funds always try to promote physical and mental well-being to protect
people
Use synonyms
 from
diseases
Use synonyms
 by investing
public
Change preposition
in public
show examples
capitals
Fix the agreement mistake
capital
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,
while
Linking Words
 other authorities use
these public
Change the determiner
this public money
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money
Use synonyms
 to treat
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
patients who are suffering from illnesses. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I suppose that
governers
Correct your spelling
governors
show examples
 focus and waste
money
Use synonyms
 before
people
Use synonyms
 threaten
from
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by
show examples
diseases
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 contemporary trends in the healthcare system, so many new
diseases
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 appear
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
are
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is
show examples
 very harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 us.
For instance
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, diabetes, cancer and cholesterol, cause to make a huge impact on
community
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the community
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. These
chronical
Correct your spelling
chronic
diseases
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 can
be control
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be controlled
show examples
 by increasing the awareness of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. As an example, promoting walking, cycling and sports will help to decrease the number of patients who
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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suffer
Change the form of the verb
suffered
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diabetes
Change preposition
from diabetes
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 and cholesterol. The best example is using iconic persons for ads which promote the steps to prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Covid-19. Though
government
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the government
show examples
 has to spend more public
money
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, it
save
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saves
show examples
money
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 which may be used to take expensive medicines and vaccines.
However
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, it has advantages
as well as
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 drawbacks
also
Linking Words
. Some
people
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 try to take the side benefits by wasting
money
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 without
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 use to develop the health system.
Furthermore
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, some illnesses can not
be prevent
Change the verb form
be prevented
show examples
,
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 the
diseases
Use synonyms
 which
occurring
Wrong verb form
occur
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as a result
Linking Words
 of genetic problems.
Instead
Linking Words
 of preventing illnesses,
ministry
Correct article usage
the ministry
show examples
 of health have to purchase medication,
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
 it will cause to loss of lives.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I can conclude that both ideas have
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
as well as
Linking Words
 disadvantages
also
Linking Words
. But, I think most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
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 can survive
from
Change preposition
apply
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disease, if we
aware
Add a missing verb
are aware
show examples
Change preposition
of them
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
by using healthcare promotion campaigns.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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