Essay topics: Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artists and musicians. To what extent do you agree?

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Incentivising art is important,
however
, wasting public resources by giving away money to artists alternately enhancing the health system and the country is foolish. I agree that the boons of infusing cash in culture are notable in the region's economy, notwithstanding the way mentioned in the question is not reasonable.
Moreover
, one example of a wise investment in culture is South Korea.
Instead
of giving cash to artists, the country focused on exporting its music and soap operas worldwide. As an outcome, people wanted to go to the nation which boosted their tourism,
this
ensued
Verb problem
resulted
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in the growth of wealth of the population since more jobs were created to attend to the demand of tourists. Nowadays, Korean drama and K-pop (Korean popular music) are the world's phenomenon. In
this
context, the advertisement of cultural customs improves the economy and indirectly boosts the
artist's
Change noun form
artists
show examples
and musicians' careers.
Additionally
, an example that giving monetary help directly to an artist is not wise is Brazil. President Lula's strategy of investing in
this
area made those creators richer, and the population poorer and did not impact the art.
Furthermore
, the approach mentioned previously is contradictory, because how is the government supposed to choose whom they will invest? How many people will receive
this
benefit? If those points are not planned other prime quotas of investment,
for example
, health, urban development and education will suffer a fall,
hence
impacting the entire society. In conclusion, is utterly necessary to consider the boons and pitfalls of
this
approach, because it can have a powerful negative influence on the community.
Submitted by heyohbruv on

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task response
The response addresses the topic but lacks clarity and consistency in argumentation. It tends to deviate from the focus at times, leading to a less than complete response.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an attempt at logical progression and use of cohesive devices, but there are inconsistencies and some illogical connections. The introduction and conclusion can be strengthened to better frame the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • government grants
  • subsidies
  • cultural heritage
  • artistic freedom
  • economic stimulus
  • cultural diversity
  • public funding
  • tourism attraction
  • financial support
  • creative industries
  • allocate resources
  • essential sectors
  • direct societal benefits
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