Students should pay full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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There is a common belief that in
university
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education, all fees for their own
study
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should be paid by pupils because personal
university
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advantages are more than that in social life. In my opinion, I predominantly disagree with
this
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statement for the reasons of finance and balance, which will elaborate on the reasons.
Firstly
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, it is a financial problem for
students
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to pay. To explain, because most
students
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have a Bachelor's degree which may mean that they have not gotten any qualifications yet, they are unable to apply for some jobs with high salaries.
Additionally
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, the full cost for each curriculum in
university
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is unaffordable, especially the private one.
Therefore
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, the
students
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might not afford their own tuition.
However
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, the problem can be solved by paying part of the tuition fee by working the scholar's way through
university
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.
Secondly
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, balancing between
work
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and
study
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is quite challenging. It
can be
Wrong verb form
is
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understandable that if pupils earn money to pay the full cost of college, using more energy than others, they might be exhausted, so they cannot focus on their studies.
For example
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, there are many reports comparing the scores of
students
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who learn
while
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working with ones who only acquire knowledge, showing that the GPA of juniors who do not
work
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is much higher than that of people who both
study
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and
work
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.
Therefore
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,
this
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drawback might be faced by undergraduates, if they
work
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their way through
university
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
a college education benefits individuals rather than society, scholars should not pay full tuition fees, because of money and balance.
Students
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should pay full cost for their own
study
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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because
university
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education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples

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Your essay presents a clear and well-supported argument against the statement provided. It would benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your points.
style
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance the flow of your essay and make your points more compelling.
vocabulary
Try to introduce a broader range of vocabulary to articulate your points more vividly and to avoid repetition.
structure
You have structured your essay logically, presenting your argument in a coherent manner that is easy to follow.
introduction conclusion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your stance on the topic, effectively bookending your argument.
content
Your argument is well supported by main points that are relevant to the topic, demonstrating a good understanding of the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
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