Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from international competitions. To what extent do you agree?

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Some argue that extreme

sports

Use synonyms

in international competitions and presented on TV programs, including boxing and martial art, should be prohibited since

this

Linking Words

leads to violence. I agree with

this

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statement since it encourages

children

Use synonyms

to imitate and affects

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their mentality.

Initially

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, the reason why extreme

sports

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programs on television and international competition should be banned,

this

Linking Words

leads

children

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to imitate the

violence

Replace the word

violent

show examples

scene.

That is

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to say, the fighting scene presenting triggers

children

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to do a similar action,

such

Linking Words

hit

Replace the word

hitting

show examples

and

kick

Wrong verb form

kicking

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the rival, resulting in people

get

Wrong verb form

getting

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severely injured.

Therefore

Linking Words

, to avoid it

happened

Wrong verb form

happening

show examples

and being imitated by

children

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, the channel program

along with

Linking Words

International competition

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

has to disappear permanently.

For example

Linking Words

, the government could make a policy to restrict or even erase the category of extreme

sports

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, and replace

Correct pronoun usage

it by

show examples

Change preposition

with

show examples

another sport

that is

Linking Words

suitable for all categories including

children

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, like presenting badminton as a popular sport.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the second consideration is a negative psychological effect, particularly

for

Change preposition

show examples

children

Use synonyms

's mentality.

By watching

Change preposition

Watching

show examples

extreme

sports

Use synonyms

competition

Fix the agreement mistake

competitions

show examples

continually, either on the platform or directly to watch in the stadium, affects their characters since they might be being the temperament person who has a high desire to fight with their friend despite it is small problems.

That is

Linking Words

why extreme

sports

Use synonyms

have to ban due negative impact on

children

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, When

children

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get disturbed by their friends, they are not hesitant to fight with friends because they know how to fight their friends with the scenes of fighting from the world boxing event.

To conclude

Linking Words

although

Linking Words

extreme

sports

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on TV programs and live international competitions might have benefits, they should be banned to display

due to

Linking Words

violent scenes, which affect

children

Use synonyms

psychologically or mentally to imitate the fighting scenes.

muh.yassirullahTue Feb 07 2023

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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