In some countries, the number of shooting massacres is on the rise because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
A huge number of
people
are in possession of rifles, which caused shooting massacres to rise in an unprecedented manner in a number of nations. This
essay strongly agrees with the statement because some countries give permission to people
to have guns for self-defense
; Change the spelling
self-defence
moreover
, armaments companies make huge profit
out of Fix the agreement mistake
profits
this
business.
To begin
with, having weapons
is an entitlement for many people
in industrialized societies to defend themselves against perpetrators. However
, this
entitlement raised concern for safety in the communities; every week some fanatic or domestic abused person opens fire on a crowd of people
and kills and slaughters pedestrians, partygoers, and even school students for no obvious reasons
. Fix the agreement mistake
reason
For example
, last
month in Taxes State, a teenager opened fire in a school and killed 15 students and 2 teachers when he was asked in court
of law, Why did you do that? He had no clues—why did he carry out the massacre?
Add an article
a court
Additionally
, in many countries, the armaments companies have influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
on
lawmakers to keep the business of lethal Change preposition
apply
weapons
legal, and it is very difficult for the government to ban these firms from producing and selling weaponry to the public. However
, gigantic corporations know that distribution
of these Correct article usage
the distribution
weapons
can cause harm rather than safety, but still, they manufacture and supply them throughout many countries in all 5 continents. For example
, Lockheed Martin annually accumulates billions of dollars for manufacturing small rifles and pistols, which are easily accessible in gun stores throughout the USA.
In conclusion, having weapons
is the best entitlement a nation can benefit from, but it creates vandalism when someone starts shooting incent
Correct your spelling
innocent
people
at café shops, schools, bars, and government offices. Moreover
, government efforts are hindered by firms that have influence
on lawmakers to keep their businesses legal Add an article
an influence
while
undermining public safety.Submitted by am.edrees on
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coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are clear and well-presented, working on enhancing the logical structure of the essay will further improve its coherence. Try to make smoother transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences have minor awkward phrasings or minor grammatical errors. Revising these will strengthen the clarity of your arguments.
task achievement
Provide a clearer connection between the examples and the thesis statement to create a more compelling argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the essay's thesis and the conclusion neatly wraps up the argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well, clearly stating a position and providing specific reasons and examples to support it.
task achievement
Well-developed main points with relevant and specific examples enhance the argument's effectiveness.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?