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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that robots are importanat for human’s future development. Others think that robots have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In
this
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 modern era, automated machines have had a major impact on human
life
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 in both negative and positive ways. Some argue that
robots
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 are important in human future growth,
while
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 others believe that it effects human
life
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 negatively. I strongly disagree with
this
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 notion. In
further
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 paragraphs, I will discuss both views and present my own opinion.
To begin
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 with, smart devices have made work easier for humans.
Robots
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 can do work faster and more accurately.
As a result
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, those tasks that take a longer period of time can now be achieved in a few days and hours, as in industries, factories and hospitals.
For instance
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,
robots
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 perform dangerous or difficult tasks
such
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 as mining, bomb disposal and heavy lifting , which keep people protected.
Moreover
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, some countries have deployed self-driven trucks to keep the city clean and collect community waste to waste management centres.
However
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, machines have overtaken human roles and
resposibilites
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responsibilities
 which have
effected
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affected
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 the
life
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 of the lower class. Many workers lost their jobs because automated machines have replaced human intervention in factories and in industries
such
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 as heavy production and automated packaging.
Therefore
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, it increases unemployment , which makes people lazier , and they stop learning new skills.
For example
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, a robot vacuum machine. People may become more dependent on
robots
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 for simple tasks. In conclusion, humanoids have both negative and positive impacts on human society , but it is true that
robots
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 support the future advancement of humanity , so in my opinion,
robots
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 improve human
life
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 by making work easier, faster and safer.

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task response
Write your opinion in one clear way from start to end. You say you disagree, but later you say robots support the future. This makes your view unclear.
task response
Discuss both sides in a more equal way. Your good side is stronger than your bad side.
task response
Add one more clear example for the bad side. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like 'on the one hand', 'on the other hand', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas need smoother flow. A few sentences feel separate, not fully connected.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and explain it fully before moving to the next point.
task response
You answered both parts of the question and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use some examples like mining, bomb disposal, and robot vacuum machines.
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