IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the media (newspapers) have the right to publish details of people’s private life, while others think it should be controlled. Discuss both views

#people #media #newspapers #right #people’s #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
 some individuals believe that the media have the
right
 to print
people
's private
life
,
this
 essay believes that citizens have the
right
 to have a private
life
 to have a healthy way of living and they need stronger
regulations
 to protect
people
's privacy. On the one hand, many individuals believe it is normal that many newspapers take photos
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
's private
life
.
Firslty
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, many citizens feel captivated
about
Change preposition
by
show examples
 watching print information of
people
 they admired, and they are willing to buy magazines that provide
this
 information.
Secondly
, many of these pictures
area
Correct your spelling
are
show examples
altered to be more
interested
Replace the word
interesting
show examples
for
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 the audience.
For instance
, all over the world, there are many paparazzi who are willing to spend a month following actors or specific
people
 to be able to take a picture
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their private lives, and they will be highly paid for it.
However
, I strongly believe
this
 is totally wrong, and society
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to avoid buying these magazines.
On the other hand
, citizens need to have stronger
regulations
 to protect any individual's private
right
 to be able to have a healthy way of living.
Besides
this
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those who are actors, they should not be allowed to take pictures of
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 if they are not
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a performance to protect their privacy. More importantly, society
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to stop buying these type of magazines to avoid these types of issues. To explain
further
, in California there is a law that
prohibit
Change the verb form
prohibits
show examples
 paparazzi take pictures, and it is prohibited to
trespassing
Replace the word
trespass
show examples
 on private property. I believe
this
 is a much better way of
regulations
 to protect any
indiviudual's
Correct your spelling
individual's
right
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 many
people
 feel interested in knowing about
people
's private
life
,
this
 is totally wrong because it violates
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
right
 to have a
balance
Change the verb form
balanced
show examples
life
. If
this
 situation
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not change, many famous
people
 will search for a country
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 has stronger
regulations
 to protect them
such
 as California.
Submitted by cuevas14dic on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • freedom of press
  • public accountability
  • public interest
  • sensationalism
  • psychological stress
  • privacy invasion
  • ethical journalism
  • legal regulations
  • social repercussions
  • intrusive details
  • commercial gain
  • self-regulation
  • media ethics
  • gossip
  • transparency
What to do next:
Look at other essays: