IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #place #years #governments #amounts #money #forces
In recent years, the world has transformed
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 safer place compared to hundred years ago. Personally, I disagree with the statement that governments should Over the
last
 few
decades
Add a comma
,decades
show examples
 people do not have to consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the threat of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
war in many parts of the world.
Altough
Correct your spelling
Although
 some
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 still conflicts in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
war, we can easily get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the war,
due to
 the development of
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
. Over the decades, each country spent considerable money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 armed forces to protect nations. It clearly shows
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 government's attitude toward to
ensurelance
Correct your spelling
insurance
 safety in the place.
Submitted by fukuniokanetukawanai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: