Some people think hard work and determination bring sucess. Others think other factors such as money and good appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #work #determination #sucess #factors #money #appearance

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These days many people believe that

success

Use synonyms

depends on working hard through your goals and having willpower, whilst others consider physical beauty and finance the key to becoming successful in life. In

this

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essay, I will consider both sides and share my opinion about

this

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trend.

Firstly

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, I will discuss the importance of continuing to study in

order

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to achieve

success

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, and

secondly

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, I will explore how it is much easier to reach higher positions with money and a good appearance.

It is clear that

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people need to put effort and focus on their work to become successful. In fact, those who pursue higher education,

such

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as doing a Bachelor’s or a Master’s degree, may receive major job opportunities.

For example

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, when students decide to pursue their studies abroad, they have to overcome the cultural barrier before being able to complete their studying.

Moreover

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, since it is more difficult to learn another language than their mother tongue, they will need to spend more time and effort studying in

order

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to achieve their goals.

On the other hand

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, money and appearance are

also

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considered important factors. Financial support could be the key to being accepted into the most renowned schools, but

also

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order

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to reach higher positions after their studies. If you complete your education in a developed country, it will be easier to be hired and get a well-paid salary.

Furthermore

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, a good-looking person may have more

success

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than others, especially in the fashion and movie industries. In many states, models, singers and actors need to be handsome and beautiful in

order

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to achieve their purposes. In conclusion, even though finance and look could lead to

success

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, hard work and determination represent the most significant aspects. In my opinion, young people should work harder on their skills rather than focusing on their appearance.

Submitted by cice on Tue Feb 07 2023

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

304 words

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Some people think hard work and determination bring sucess. Others think other factors such as money and good appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In some countries, more and more people are hiring personal fitness trainers, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes What is the reason for this Is this a positive or negative development

Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others think that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion