Scientist agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Presently, because of tedious and exhausting work or study, some
people
tend to overeat junk food
instead
of cooking healthy homemade dishes. This
eating habit over a long period leads to some health problems, such
as heart-related diseaes
, increased blood pressure,... Some believe Correct your spelling
diseases
disease
education
is the main factor that can help people
prefer eating healthy meals to eating fast food
. Others think that there are some factors that can make public
Correct article usage
the public
do
not eat snacks, except Unnecessary verb
apply
education
. This
essay will illustrate both views and give my own opinion.
On one side of this
argument, education
has a big impact on this
issue. As we know, in fact
the citizens often select Add the comma(s)
fact,
food
based on their taste, not the ingredients that are being put in them, so, this
habit can destroy the balance of the human body. However
, if society have
widened Change the verb form
has
knowledge
, they can know fast Correct pronoun usage
its knowledge
food
has many processed preserves and contain extremely high calories. Moreover
, they can use social media to learn about helpful methods that can prevent it through videos of nutritious leaders to prevent this
issue. Therefore
, I think learning is the best way to encourage people
to make a
healthy Correct article usage
apply
meal
and limit snacks.
Moving onto another side of Fix the agreement mistake
meals
this
argument that
Correct word choice
apply
education
cannot work on proper diet. It is based on the factories which create these snacks. They can replace harmful chemicals in the fast food
with the healthy ingredients. For example
, the company can create a kind of hamburger that is
made from vegetables instead
of meat or beef, which can benefit human health.
In conclusion, people
should choose a healthy diet and limit junk food
, because their health can be easily affected by unhealthy nourishment.Submitted by [email protected]
on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, which is good for task achievement. However, the discussion of the second viewpoint is a bit brief. Try to expand on this with more substantial reasoning and examples to create a more balanced argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but there are moments where the writing lacks precision. For example, 'factories which create these snacks' can be more precisely stated as 'companies that manufacture junk food'. Pay attention to these details to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally clear, but transitions between ideas can be improved. For instance, use phrases like 'Additionally,' or 'In contrast,' to better connect your ideas. This will enhance the coherence and flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your discussion well. However, the body paragraphs can be better connected with topic sentences that clearly relate to your thesis in the introduction.
task achievement
You provided relevant specific examples, such as mentioning how companies can create healthier versions of junk food. Try to integrate more such examples to strengthen your points.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and shows an understanding of both sides of the argument.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly wraps up your argument and reinforces your opinion, leaving the reader with a clear take-away message.
relevant specific examples
You included specific examples related to the food industry, which adds relevance to your arguments and supports your main points well.