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Band 6

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money

#people #life #money
Some
people
 believe that the main reason for being happy is by having a
lot
 of
money
 ,
people
 can their dreams easily by having a large amount of
money
 ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 there are many
things
 in our life that could make us happy one of them is by having a healthy
mind
 and
body
 .
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
person
 who has a
lot
 of
money
 can achieve his dreams easier
such
 than other
people
such
 as by completing their studies
while
 others dream of travelling around the world and these
things
costs
Change the verb form
cost
show examples
 a
lot
 of
money
 to achieve it.
For example
 in Saudi Arabia Studying for a master's degree could cost a
person
 around 50.000 dollar's
thus
 only a rich
person
 Could afford it. Happiness is not only constricted to
money
. There are more important
things
 that could make
people
 happy
such
 as having a healthy
mind
 and
body
. For ,example a survey done by university students showed that 60% of
people
 choose health over having a
lot
 of
money
due to
 the fact that being rich would not make them happy without having a healthy
mind
 and
body
 because they would not be able to use it if they were ill. In conclusion,
Money
 does not mean happiness
although
 some
people
 believe that it can get them to achieve their dreams easier ,There are many other important
things
 that a
person
 should have
such
 as having a healthy
body
 and
mind
 and
also
 a loving family and friends which would cost more than million dollars.
Submitted by lamaxb2020 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
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