IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money

#people #life #money
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the main reason for being happy is by having a
lot
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 of
money
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 ,
people
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 can their dreams easily by having a large amount of
money
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 ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 there are many
things
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 in our life that could make us happy one of them is by having a healthy
mind
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 and
body
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 .
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
person
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 who has a
lot
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 of
money
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 can achieve his dreams easier
such
Linking Words
 than other
people
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such
Linking Words
 as by completing their studies
while
Linking Words
 others dream of travelling around the world and these
things
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costs
Change the verb form
cost
show examples
 a
lot
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 of
money
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 to achieve it.
For example
Linking Words
 in Saudi Arabia Studying for a master's degree could cost a
person
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 around 50.000 dollar's
thus
Linking Words
 only a rich
person
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 Could afford it. Happiness is not only constricted to
money
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. There are more important
things
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 that could make
people
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 happy
such
Linking Words
 as having a healthy
mind
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 and
body
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. For ,example a survey done by university students showed that 60% of
people
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 choose health over having a
lot
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 of
money
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due to
Linking Words
 the fact that being rich would not make them happy without having a healthy
mind
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 and
body
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 because they would not be able to use it if they were ill. In conclusion,
Money
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 does not mean happiness
although
Linking Words
 some
people
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 believe that it can get them to achieve their dreams easier ,There are many other important
things
Use synonyms
 that a
person
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 should have
such
Linking Words
 as having a healthy
body
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 and
mind
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 and
also
Linking Words
 a loving family and friends which would cost more than million dollars.
Submitted by lamaxb2020 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
What to do next:
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