IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of that all mothers and fathers should be required to take the childcare training courses. Do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, a lot of
parents
Use synonyms
 have worked for a long time on work and did not have any time to accompany their children.
Consequently
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, many younger ones had negative behaviours to have.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe that parental guidance should
need
Wrong verb form
be given
show examples
 to run for all
parents
Use synonyms
 participating.
This
Linking Words
 essay will expound on my views and supply some examples. To commence, there are two major reasons to evident my point of view.
First,
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if some educational communities had to provide various parental events or campaigns for
adults
Use synonyms
 to take part in, it would have a good relationship and cooperation with schools and
parents
Use synonyms
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to enhance their kids' global development. To illustrate, some social experts said that many nations' educational institutions
such
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 as
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 countries,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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had better cooperation with
adults
Use synonyms
 in order to educate their sons or daughters in the same ways.
As a result
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, the role of the school could be easier to catch up with the younger learners' development.
Furthermore
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, another reason is to
be raising
Wrong verb form
raise
show examples
adults
Use synonyms
' sense of belonging to their school places.
For instance
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, some surveys told us that if
adults
Use synonyms
 took part in various childcare training courses,
it
Correct pronoun usage
the
show examples
 would have decreased by 30% per year incidents occurring.
This
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 tendency could be an alarm to
parents
Use synonyms
' mindset owing to preventing accidents.
Hence
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, childcare training lessons should
need
Verb problem
be
show examples
 for every parent to join and study how to look after in the right ways. In a nutshell, following the statements above, parental guidance or childcare training courses
also
Linking Words
 should
need to
Verb problem
be
show examples
 run for all
parents
Use synonyms
 participating.
However
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, if some
adults
Use synonyms
 do not have time to join, I suggest using online platforms
instead
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of
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, as it could be a better future for the child's development.

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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the topic but lacks depth and development. It is important to provide more detailed arguments and examples to support your position. Additionally, ensure that the central argument is clear and well-supported throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a clear structure and uses cohesive devices to connect ideas. However, there are some issues with the logical flow of ideas, and the examples provided could be more relevant and specific. Ensure that each paragraph supports the main argument and that examples are well-integrated into the overall argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parenting skills
  • Child development
  • Societal progress
  • Parental responsibility
  • Gender equality in parenting
  • Mandatory training
  • Childcare expertise
  • Family dynamics
  • Parent-child relationship
  • Emotional development
  • Physical development
  • Educational development
  • Parental autonomy
  • Socioeconomic accessibility
  • Voluntary attendance
  • Neglect and abuse prevention
  • Knowledge acquisition
  • Informed decision-making
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