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Writing Samples
Band 7

Cases of bullying in school are increasing and worsening. What do you think are the cause of this? How can we tackle this issue?

#cases #school
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It is true that bullying in
school
 is getting severe and happening more frequently nowadays.
While
 it is a serious problem, there is a solution for
this
 issue which I am going to elaborate
with
Change preposition
on with
show examples
 possible reasons.
To begin
 with, the main cause of increased bullying in educational institutions is that
students
 are under strong pressure to get high scores and the best achievements in
school
.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that many parents and teachers, nowadays, tend to force their children and
students
 to succeed in
school
 and today's competitive society.
As a result
,
students
 are likely to regard other colleagues as just competitors to win,
instead
 of friends to get
along with
, so they might behave violently and impolitely to other
students
.
However
, there are solutions to
this
 problem. One of the ways to prohibit
students
 from bullying other
students
 is to provide them with various opportunities to participate in some programs in which they should cooperate and co-work with each other to achieve high grades in
school
,
such
 as group projects and sports activities. From experiencing and completing
this
 kind of project,
students
 will get to know the importance of cooperation for success, and realize that they do not need to think
other
Change preposition
of other
show examples
students
 as competitors to win, which leads to less stress for them. Take Warren Buffett,
for instance
. He is a globally recognized CEO and investor. Listed among Times' 100 Most Influential People, Buffett mentioned in an interview that having experienced success by cooperating with other colleagues when he was a student shaped him into a successful businessman. Since views on life and values differ among individuals, it seems like
this
 subject will remain controversial.
However
, in conclusion, I believe that I have accurately demonstrated a possible reason and a solution with the concrete rationale and evidence stated above.
Submitted by withjungwon on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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