One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages ?
The medical field has seen a lot of innovation and development in recent years resulting in extended longevity of people's lives and enhanced life expectancy all across the globe.
While
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this
may have made humans a bit more reliant on treatments and can have unknown side effects, I believe there are more advantages because death numbers have drastically reduced and new diseases can be identified and cured faster.
One of the main drawbacks of improved healthcare systems is the increased dependency of humans on drugs and treatments. Medicines are being consumed on a large scale for something as minor as fever or cough, which is likely to make our immune systems stronger, in order to get a quicker relief. Not only Linking Words
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, a natural process like childbirth , Linking Words
for instance
, is being performed surgically at an increased rate now, Linking Words
due to
the reduced pain tolerance among humans. Linking Words
Additionally
, there are certain side effects to Linking Words
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. Any kind of sedative that calms the nerves, may have long-term impacts on your blood pressure. Linking Words
Hence
, you need more drugs to curb Linking Words
this
, which completes the cycle of reliability.
One of the primary advantages is the decrease in the number of deaths. There used to be no cure for a disease like dengue, chicken pox or cancer, and over the years scientists have figured Linking Words
this
out, saving humankind. Linking Words
For example
, in conservative societies like India and Africa, a major portion of the childbirths had to be done at home, which meant that some of these women and children would not even survive. Thanks to improved medical care, women and infants, both have a 100% chance of surviving now. Take another example of COVID-19, when it hit the world, it seemed impossible to get out of it, but only after a year or so, Linking Words
researchers
figure out the vaccines and even start distributing them across the globe. Add a missing verb
did researchers
This
would not have happened at Linking Words
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a quick rate without the advancements in treatments.
In conclusion, Linking Words
although
advances in the healthcare system can have a minor risk of getting addicted or catching some side effects, I believe the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages because of the number of human lives it can save and the speed and scale at which it can detect and cure the new ones.Linking Words
Submitted by man3meet4 on
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task achievement
Ensure to clearly explain the connection between the drawbacks and advantages in relation to the question asked. This will make your position even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to some minor inaccuracies to ensure clarity and coherence. For instance, 'immune systems stronger' seems to contradict the intended meaning in its context.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a compelling introduction and a clear conclusion, which encapsulates your position well.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the COVID-19 vaccine development and the improvement in childbirth survival rates, which effectively support your main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point, which enhances logical flow.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.