Nowadays, young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In recent years, idolisation has become a culture in the youth community, especially towards the sporting field. Despite the bad influences of some
sports
stars, support and total commitment are instilled in young people’s mindsets since they might not acknowledge their idols’ wrongdoings. In
this
essay, I will examine closely some of the aspects of
this
issue before concluding that I think it is more negative than positive. On the one hand, having an idol figure can offer numerous benefits to the star and even the fans themselves. Support comes in different forms
such
as donating an amount of money based on their financial situations, gifting presents, buying merchandise or simply watching every competition with their appearance. Not only does
this
help the celebrities to gain small revenues other than their income but
also
raises their recognition in the area.
Moreover
,
this
back-to-back relationship can significantly boost young supporters’ mental health to keep on grinding and working hard like their idols;
therefore
fostering a love for the specific sport and aspiration to participate in one.
However
, over-admiration is likely to turn into obsession if not controlled. Young people can easily be manipulated since they are still in their developing phase, looking for reliance and an exemplary image to follow.
This
can lead to serious worshipping and glorifying wrongdoings of idols in spite of how inclement they are;
consequently
affecting the youngsters' mindset and behaviour.
For instance
, a survey conducted by Kay Ireland showed 47% of youngsters say it is common for professional athletes to yell at a referee and 62% state that trash-talking opponents is the norm. Another example of
this
is seen in team
sports
such
as soccer or basketball, where retaliation often occurs when a teammate is intentionally hurt or rules violated, these situations spark heated arguments and even fights break out. It is obvious that blind love for
sports
celebrities can pose particular risks which include normalising bad attitudes and imitating them, advocating for rivalry between different fan bases
therefore
leading to cyber-bullying. In conclusion,
although
role models in the sporting area can gain more revenue from various supporting forms and encourage young people to practise in the field, they might not be the best figures to follow since some of them demonstrate poor sportsmanship
while
competing and
this
affects younger generations directly. From my standpoint, I think the negative aspects of idolising
sports
stars arguably outweigh the positive sides in terms of influence and manners despite how stellar their performances are.
Submitted by hawtzvnq on

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clarity
While your essay is well-organized and your arguments are generally clear, be careful with sentence structures and ensuring all your points are equally developed. For example, ensure your reasons for both sides of the argument are balanced in depth and detail.
sentence structure
Your use of complex sentences is commendable, but make sure they don't become too convoluted. Aim for clarity to ensure the reader can easily follow your arguments.
cohesion
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introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the context and clearly states your standpoint, providing a solid foundation for the essay.
examples
You’ve utilized specific examples and studies, such as the survey conducted by Kay Ireland, to bolster your arguments, which strengthens your task achievement.
conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarises your points and reaffirms your viewpoint, which gives a strong sense of closure to your essay.

Word Count

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • admire
  • role model
  • excellence
  • hard work
  • dedication
  • cheating
  • misconduct
  • critical evaluation
  • guidance
  • positive influence
  • negative influence
  • inspiration
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