IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

People are now surrounded by advertising. This both affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s life. What extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #impact #people’s #life
Never have the topics concerning
advertisements
 failed to attract the public’s attention.
However
, when it comes to whether commercials would affect
people
’s thoughts and be detrimental to their life, I partly agree with
this
 view. It can be understood why some
people
 advocate that
advertisements
 sometimes have threats to
people
’s life.
To begin
 with, it is true that some
people
 are vulnerable to excessive
advertisements
 as some online
advertisements
 are unintentionally saturated with harmful information
such
 as violent plots or pornography scenarios. Since many netizens, especially the young may have no ability to distinguish right from wrong, they may
therefore
 imitate indiscriminately, which perhaps causes them to go astray or even commit crimes.
Apart from
this
, too much advertisement may steer
people
 to espouse the supremacy of consumerism. It is not rare to see that many individuals are under peer pressure
due to
 the influence of
advertisements
. Provided that they are not using the new-released products, they may have the predisposition to face social ostracism.
This
 may mislead
people
 to keep buying the products promoted in
advertisements
 and deem their old items as obsolete, causing a throw-away society.
However
, there are still a variety of benefits brought by
advertisements
 that should not be underestimated.
People
’s thoughts can be influenced positively by
advertisements
 as one of the important functions of advertisement is calling for a worldwide joint effort to mitigate some thorny issues
such
 as environmental contamination. Non-profitable advertisement is invested in many countries to raise the public’s awareness of environmental protection and guide the masses to live a carbon-neutral lifestyle, which leads to an environmentally friendly society to a large extent.
Additionally
, we should
also
 not forget that
advertisements
 can boost the development of tertiary industries in some remote areas. As
advertisements
 can remove geographical barriers, many
people
 can be informed that there are abundant landscape resources, splendid historical heritage and unique local tourist attractions in some geographically isolated or impoverished countries.
This
 would result in an increased income for local dwellers and prosperity of the tourism industry in some undeveloped countries. In conclusion,
although
people
’s life may be negatively affected by excessive
advertisements
, I still believe that the positive impacts brought by
advertisements
 should not be overlooked.
Submitted by Evalynn on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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