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Band 5

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cites and town, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

#people #countryside #town #situation
Many
people
 choose to leave their hometowns to live in big
cities
. That condition makes the
village
 full of only old
people
.
This
 essay will try to elaborate about what are the reasons behind
this
 problem, and provide solutions
at the end
.
To begin
 with, youth are always full of energy, and as they grow up, they demand many products or needs like their friends. To fulfil their needs, of
course
Add the comma(s)
,course
show examples
 they need to earn more money,
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in the
village
 does not seem good for them, so in pursuing
carrier
Correct article usage
a carrier
show examples
, they choose to move to big
cities
.
Moreover
,
cities
provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 various carrier options, so
people
 can choose whatever they like and
suitable
Add a missing verb
is suitable
show examples
 for them. The second reason,
cities
 already expand many technologies that cannot be found in the
village
.
This
 condition
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 attracts many
youth
Change to a plural noun
youths
show examples
 to experience the technology, and eventually get immersed
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that. To prevent young
people
 from leaving the
village
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 must elevate the technology in the
village
, and build or reconstruct the
village
, so it will make the
village
 more pleasant for young
people
. Providing various jobs, and elevating the economy
also
 become options.
This
 will make young
people
 experience many kinds of jobs without leaving their homes. Collaborating with
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 to sell
local
Add an article
a local
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
also
 can be
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 option to level up the local economy. The process must involve youth so they can be responsible and engage more with their
village
. In conclusion, to prevent more
youthful
Replace the word
youth
show examples
 leaving their
village
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 must set the
village
 to
youthful
Correct article usage
a youthful
show examples
 liking,
while
 bringing advanced technology to come to the
village
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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