IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which cause many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugar #health #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 in recent days myriad of
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
 increased day by day which causes produce high levels of sugary
products
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, sugary food and
drinks
Use synonyms
 have to
Add a missing verb
be made
show examples
made
Change the form of the verb
make
show examples
 more expensive to encourage individuals
eat
Add the particle
to eat
show examples
 and drink less
sugar
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, sugary
products
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
. There are several reasons
Correct pronoun usage
that leads
show examples
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to
problems
Use synonyms
 of
health
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 have
demand
Correct article usage
a demand
show examples
 to consume sugary
products
Use synonyms
. It
hasa
Correct your spelling
has a
has
 bad effects on
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because sugary food and
drinks
Use synonyms
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and diabetes.
For instance
Linking Words
, fizzy
drinks
Use synonyms
 contain high levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
 so, plenty of young
people
Use synonyms
 face to disease of diabetes.
However
Linking Words
, authorities have to find solutions to
illnesses
Correct article usage
the illnesses
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Main
Change the article
The main
show examples
 solution should be
made
Change the verb form
to make
show examples
 more expensive sugary
products
Use synonyms
 and
imposing
Wrong verb form
impose
show examples
 taxes on the manufactured
products
Use synonyms
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, sugary food and
drinks
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 causes
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
. Another reason is smoking tobacco. Smoking harms nearly every organ in the body. It increases
people
Use synonyms
's risk of cancer, diabetes, heart disease, lung disease, and stroke. If individuals smoke more likely to catch tuberculosis,
develop
Correct word choice
and develop
show examples
 certain immune disorders.
For example
Linking Words
, Bhutan became the first country to ban the sale of tobacco and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
outlaw smoking in all public places.
People
Use synonyms
 found guilty of selling or smuggling tobacco into Bhutan can serve a prison term of three to five years with no chance of being granted bail.
To sum up
Linking Words
, from my perspective, everything which
people
Use synonyms
 eat belongs to
sugar
Use synonyms
 so
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 expensive prices of sugary
products
Use synonyms
, but they can not cut down
Use synonyms
sugar
Change preposition
on sugar
show examples
 in
people
Use synonyms
's entire life.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
What to do next:
Look at other essays: